Appointments with medical oncologists, radiation oncologists, surgeons, and more.Now take that and add for starters, appointments: Do you ever feel too busy, or hear someone complain about being busy? If you answered no, you probably don't live within a thousand miles of me. Those words are, "I know just how you feel." There are many reasons why this can be hurtful to someone with cancer, one of which being how can you know how they feel when they don't know themselves?įirst, think about your own life and those around you who don’t have cancer. The problem is that while the words are usually spoken lovingly in an attempt to make someone with cancer feel less alone, they can do just the opposite. It may be that he only has enough energy to share those difficult feelings once, and wishes to do so with someone who is experiencing or has experienced something similar.Īs a final note, there is one commonly shared sentence that needs mentioning. It doesn't mean you are any less important in his life. If your friend with cancer is not including you in some of these discussions, don't take it personally. Keep in mind that discussing difficult topics and sharing intimate fears is draining. Why is your friend baring her heart to that almost stranger when you have been there for him every step of the way? This can be hard to understand and very painful emotionally for loved ones who are left out in this way. Or perhaps they have an acquaintance who quickly becomes a close friend and confident because of a similar history of cancer in themselves or a loved one. People with cancer often find tremendous support and encouragement among people they meet in cancer support groups. Especially if that someone happens to be a person he has only recently met. Does this happen? In a different direction altogether, you may feel put off if your friend with cancer chooses to share his deepest thoughts with someone other than you. Yet having close friends shy away raises the question: "Will other friends disappear as well?" It's hard to see someone you care about suffer. That does not mean they are bad people, and sometimes dearest friends disappear. Not everyone can handle hanging out with someone who has cancer for whatever reason. Many people with cancer have experienced the hurt of friends leaving. It's helpful for friends and family to understand this loneliness for several reasons.Įven if your loved one knows you love her and will never leave her, remind her again. A solo trek on a formidable journey we never wanted to take in the first place. No matter how strong and deep your support system, cancer is a journey that must be taken alone. In allowing them to experience their grief when needed, you can better help them celebrate their joy on another day, or even, in another minute.Įven amidst a loving family or in a crowd of friends, cancer is lonely. In doing so they are honoring themselves and their own emotions. In contrast, it is very important that people with cancer allow themselves to express negative feelings. But this does not mean that cancer patients should cover up fears and hide tears at all cost. Going back to the fear of hearing someone telling you to be positive as a cancer patient, yes, keeping a positive attitude with cancer is important. One day you feel capable of conquering anything including cancer, the next day finding a stamp to mail a letter may seem an insurmountable task. Days with major hurdles may seem easy, while smooth flowing days are a struggle. On another day you may be feeling sadness even though your lab tests look great. One day you may be feeling joyful despite hearing results of a scan that aren't very positive. Something that can surprise those without cancer is that what we feel does not always correlate strongly with circumstances. Not only is there a large span of emotions experienced with cancer, but the entire spectrum can occur within a 16-hour day. Some of the hesitation may be wondering if they should tell the truth lest they receive a lecture beginning with, "you need to stay positive." But another reason for the hesitation could be their mind asking for clarification: "Do you mean 11 p.m. It can vary by the hour, and even from one minute to the next.įeelings are constantly changing. When you ask someone with cancer how they feel they may hesitate. How someone feels physically and emotionally with cancer can vary day to day.
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